I Hate Baseball And Its Curve-Ball

Its been a while since I’ve made my last entry… Life seemed to become a little more “normal” filled with errands, work, and school. We even played with the idea of buying a house. I felt like that even though I wasn’t 100 percent physically, I was living my life like I used to (just slightly more busy). Once again life throws a curve-ball at me. Nothing ever seems to go according to plan.

I am reaching the end of my summer school classes and have already registered for Fall classes. Five to be exact. That’s a lot of classes, but luckily for me right at the same time I will be getting laid off from work. That way I can focus directly on school. It seems as though the tough times the country is facing has reached me in my job. Yet it all seemed to be working out. Kathryn works and makes enough to support both of us while I finish school.

Another up-side is the fact that now Kathryn has insurance so I can move forward with my “bum” leg. In fact I had my first doctor visit today through Dr. Vander-something… I’ll just call him Dr.Van. Dr.Van was one of the doctors recommended to me by my friend Daniel. Dr.Van did some X-rays and gave me his diagnosis. HERE’S WHERE THE CURVE-BALL COMES IN. It turns out my leg is worse off than I thought. The rundown is my femur bone is all funky and has not been growing so I need a bone graft(I expected that) and my alignment of the plate and my knee are slightly off. Off by a mere 6 degrees causing a slight bowed leg. This is damaging my knee and will cause severe arthritis on one side. Dr.Van is sending me to see a doctor in Houston who he says is one of the best to deal with my “delicate” disaster. Dr.Van says I have two options. I can take the long safe route, or the shorter and less predictable route. The long route is to have the obvious bone graft, and have the metal removed from my leg so it can be realigned and then install an external fixator. The shorter path is to have the afore said bone graft, and a repeat of my original surgery. Go in remove the metal, realign everything and put in new metal plates and screws. Either way I have to have extensive surgery with another lovely week stay in the hospital. Its the anti-vacation resort.

Now lets step back and take a look at the full spectrum of this proceeding. All the goals I have been setting up are now being altered or postponed. As far as my normality goes, its being sent back to square one. Then theres school… I have to go and explain that I have to drop my classes so I can have surgery (hoping that I can still finish under the same parameters I originally set up). House hunting, well you can just forget that. Even though we have insurance its still gonna take bite out of our money. One thing I have learned about planning is that, “the only thing that you can rely on in life to not change is the fact that everything will change”. Your mindset will change, plans will change, the course you follow will change. This rearrangement scares me. I am afraid of the pain I have to endure for the second time. The nightmare of my past comes alive to haunt me once more.

“Everything Changes”

Christian Love

Love. The Core of a Christians life. A word that has lost its meaning in the modern world. What makes Christian love different from the rest of the world? The only one who can give the perfect answer would be Christ Himself. For we all are human; filled with error and sin. How many times do Christians abandon Christian LOVE? Too often we mold the Christian life to our design, which ultimately disgraces God. We cant reflect God without showing the love of Christ- THE CHRISTIAN LOVE. I want to look at Love from the view of Jesus.

How can you learn about the Core of a Christian life? The best place to start would be 1 Corinthians 13, aka the Love Chapter. Look at what Love IS. It is patient, kind, protecting, trusting, hoping, preserving, it always rejoices in truth, and it does not keep record of wrong doing. How many people in the world ALWAYS follow at least half of these? The answer is no one. There might be a time where you are following every single one, but how long is it till you slip? Lets break down each one.

Patient

“Patience is a virtue”, the phrase everyone hears growing up. The definition of patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset. The key here is to tolerate without getting angry. People believe because they can compose themselves on the outside (while feeling irritated or angry on the inside) and tolerate someone or something, they are demonstrating patience. Wrong!!! To truly be patient you have to stay composed on the inside as well as the outside. When we are not being patient we tend to break a couple of the other ones. We stop being kind, we attack instead of protect, and we seem to remember all of their other faults right about now. In our lack of patience we tend to be rude and talk down to one another. I know a family, that will go unmentioned, that talks to each other in a belittling and degrading way. The parents and children all disrespect each other, talking as if the other were a stupid and pathetic person. I hate being around them when this is happening but what am I to say? Would they listen or even believe me?

If we can truly regard ourselves as humble servants and that we are to uplift others, then maybe we will be able to be patient in love. Look at how a young girl going through puberty treats a jock she is completely  infatuated with, especially if he is a jerk. She constantly put herself aside and ignore the short comings of this jerk. Why? Because she holds him up on a pedestal (for the wrong reasons). Now obviously she is making a mistake but if the Christian could take the principle behind this and put everyone else above themselves then we would be like Christ.

Kind

Love is kind. The definition of kind is, having or showing a tender and considerate and helpful nature. To be kind is to be careful not to inconvenience or hurt others. Here we can see clearly the Core problem that keeps us from showing love, and that is Selfishness. Selfishness is what our human nature is built off of. The fall of man was caused by the greed to know all things like God. Greed is just another word for selfishness. Self is what causes sin, and prohibits love. How often are we actually concerned about what inconveniences another person? If we are full heartily seeking God then we should want to help others. Too many times we make self-righteous judgments and look down on one other. This gives us the “I am better than you” complex, leading us to treat people rudely instead of with kindness and compassion. In order to truly be kind in the Christian love, you must extend it to the people outside of your social group. Even the sinners love those who love them. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 5.

Protecting/Preserving

To protect/preserve is to keep safe from harm or injury. It is obvious how you apply this to your close friends and family, but how do you show it to the world? The kingdom of Heaven is available to the whole world if they accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. It is our job to bring the Word of God to the world so that they may be saved. the Word of God is their only defense against sin. Without Christ as their “lawyer” before the Judge, they are doomed to eternal damnation. In exhibiting Christian Love we should have the desire to protect them from their chosen destination. Once again in our self-righteous judgment we see them unworthy of Gods gift. How dare we condemn the blind to walk off the cliff. Shall we call ourselves murderers? Let us extend our hands out to the lost; show them the door Jesus is knocking on. If they refuse then they have made their decision, but should we stop praying for them? Never! Let us preserve the Word of God in our hearts so the we may be mirrors reflecting the light of Christ.

Trusting/Hoping

To trust is to believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Trust and hope are apart of faith. It means believing the best of it all. When we pray to God and it feels like there was no answer to our prayer we are to trust that he knows whats best. We need to let Him do His will and just have faith. No matter the circumstance we should have a positive outlook and know that all things happen for a reason and hope for the best. When we look out at the world the same still applies. This doesnt mean believe every little lie that is told to you because you are to assume the best. Rather, take each person and situation and look at it from the most positive perspective. Someone treats you like garbage- Should you judge this person as rude? No you should believe that they must of had a bad day and you happened to be there to see it. We shouldnt judge based on things we think or see, but only on those things that we know are facts.

It always rejoices in truth/ It does not keep record of wrong

These two are self explanatory… Yet we tend to get mad at truth when it is correcting us, like the pharisees being corrected by Jesus. Here is where pride comes into play.  Having pride is being pleased with yourself, dwelling on your achievements, thinking about you, you, you, you… And we are right back at selfishness. It is truly our self-seeking ways that keep us from unconditional love.

We also tend to keep a detailed record book, for each individual person we know, that is kept in the bitterness file cabinet. When someone does something that makes us angry and we hold on to it, that becomes bitterness. The Bible says not to let the sun go down while we are still angry. If we hold on to it we are making a record of it and we file it away in bitterness. The cabinet needs to be locked up and the key needs to be thrown away. There is nothing in that cabinet except self-gratification. Theres that word again, SELF.

Self has got to GO

The Bible talks about in Romans 14 that we should be able make adjustments about our life not because its sinful but for the love and respect of our brothers. This can never be achieved if we put ourselves at the center. It was true when they said the nice guy finishes last. To live like Christ we must put ourselves last. Oh how beautiful it would be if all Christians lived fully devoted to God, with self placed on the shelf.

“Love’s Achilles Heel is Selfishness”

///Clay///

Fellowship Of The Narrow Path

Just the other day I had asked a friend how was his life with God, and replied that it wasn’t where it should be. He told me that he tries to straighten up, but cant stay focused and ends right back where he was. This is the simile he used; “Its like having your car stuck in a hole, You gain momentum and start getting out then it just starts to slide right back in”. I heard this and had to think about it. MY RESPONSE- What do you do when your car gets stuck in a ditch? You call a tow truck to pull you out!

I told him that I as a fellow believer could be his “tow truck”; the friend who is there to help make sure you don’t fall. Every time there is a struggle you turn to your brother until you regain your footing. You see this is my perception of what a church is. A group of people who all make mistakes, who are all there to help keep each other right in God’s eyes.  A church can’t reach out to the lost until they have reached to all of their own first. Once all of the Church becomes a community, they can begin to work together to fulfill God’s purpose. One little candle isn’t enough to light a whole house, but if you get 5 or 6 working together the house WILL be lit.

“one little candle”

///Clay///

33 Is The Number

I got list-happy and decided to focus on games.

Here are a list of games I like. They are in alphabetical  order.

1. Balderdash
2. Bananagrams
3. Battleship
4. Boggle
5. Bunco
6. Catch Phrase
7. Checkers
8. Chess
9. Clue
10. Connect 4
11. Cranium
12. Dominoes
13. Go-Fish
14. Jenga
15. Joker
16. Liars Dice
17. Mad Gab
18. Mancala
19. Mastermind
20. Peanut Butter
21. Phase 10
22. Pictionary
23. Scattergories
24. Scrabble
25. Sevens
26. Skip-Bo
27. Sorry
28. Speed
29. Stack
30. Taboo
31. Uno
32. V.C.
33. Yahtzee

“Let the Games Begin!”

///Clay///

Defining2008/ For Better Or For Worse

///2008///

I must say that this has been the most eventful year of my life. I have had my Best and Worst experiences this year. I will make top ten of each just for fun.

WORST

10. On the day of my accident I had to go to training… we had a two minute survival drill. I had to fight off two Beastly guys, and well lets say they left me with quite a headache. They kicked my butt

9. After my accident I filled out and dealt with all types of paperwork for Social Security but still didn’t get approved… jerks

8. Over the course of the year I had gotten 6 traffic violation tickets… hee hee oops. I can’t even remember what they were for

7. My stupid and selfish self decided that I wanted a cool bike so I sold my only car for it. The Mustang GT… Oh well things happen for a reason and I would not be where I am now if I hadn’t

6. Because of obvious circumstances I lost my home with my brother Daniel… had to move back with my parents for the third time

5. Plain and simple…. Osama won the election, oops I mean OBAMA

4. This one is a biggie for me personally… I gained twenty pounds of FAT all in my stomach. YEP I have a gut

3. I lost my job at NASA… they didnt care

2. IKE hit the coast… It took my family’s home, my backup car, my other motorcycle, and thousands of dollars worth of other belongings of mine.

1. NUMBER ONE!!! the most obvious of all, the motorcycle accident which has left me starting the new year crippled.

BEST-

10. I started a cool collection of canes. My two favorite would have to be the glass one and the one with flames

9. I have gotten a better relationship with my in-laws through everything that has happened.

8. I got a computer, a MAC to be more precise. I love it I have spent a lot of time making fun music

7. When I worked for the mall I got promoted to a Supervisor =) That is really good for a resume

6. Even though there a bunch of “little” things that could be fixed, I got a really cool car 1987 Camaro IROC-Z. It has a nice big 350 V8 engine… “Manly Chuckles” >=D

5. Through one of my Wife’s friends we were led to a home Church.

4. Through all the things in my life especially this year I had all my closest friends there for me whenever I needed them. Except when I lived with Daniel, he was never home. HA!

3. God blessed me greatly! I had almost $80,000 in medical bills and God took it all away! I owe nothing. Thank you Jesus =D

2. I went on my first cruise! It was for my honeymoon, and we had a blast! YAY I love boats!!!

1. The Number ONE best thing that has happened for 2008, is that I got to make my best friend and the love of my life, MY WIFE. I can’t be without her

“A roller-coaster year”

///Clay///

2008 is to Me Like Rain is to a Fresh Painting

Times can be tough, and unexpected sometimes… I seem to be facing a lot of those “times” lately.

I find that I wont be leaving the Parental Units Residence anytime soon. After a lot of thought Kathryn and I have decided to take my parents offer and stay with them. I wish I knew how long I would be under their wings, but some things remain uncertain. Our lack of income and the difficult, tedious, process involved with getting disability put us at a disadvantage. I hope to be able to recover quickly find a decent paying job and find a new home for the “New Hamm’s”. If it weren’t for my family I don’t know where I would go. As for my last home, it is unfortunate that I did not get to spend more time with my Asian brother, but it seems my time at the condo has come to an impasse. I just hope now that since I am not around he can still find time to hang out.

My situation just seems to keep bringing up more issues. It has made getting married a difficult task, so my fiance and I have decided to just go to the court house. We still plan to get married on the 1st of November and plan to have a festivity of sorts for my close friends and family to celebrate. Now I just have to let my groomsmen down easy and tell them I wont be needing them anymore… “sigh” I believe that it is for the best and will make the quandary less stressful. None the less I am still very excited about getting married! It will still be the happiest day of my life, handicapped or not.

“sigh”

///Clay///

Whispers Among The Noise

My fiance and I have been reading Max Lucado books since my accident, thanks to Pastor/Worship Leader Kenneth. Pastor Kenneth had brought me a Max Lucado book as a gift while I was still in the hospital, and that was the match to the gasoline. We are now on our second book and the last chapter we read gave me clear view to my own situation. Mr.Lucado made mention about when the disciples were on the boat in the storm and Jesus came walking on the water. He states that the disciples were expecting some great miracle, and since Jesus came in a way they didn’t expect; they almost missed the answer to their prayers.

I personally get two strong messages out of that chapter for my accident. The first being, is that I’ve been asking God to help pull me away from my struggles. “Show me a way to the narrow path”, I would exclaim. I really wanted something BIG to steer me back in the right direction. Well as horrible as the accident was, this was the “change” I’ve been asking for, and if it wasn’t for my family and church I probably would have almost missed it myself. Secondly, I realized that God doesn’t always work the way you want Him to. You look for Him to reach out His hand and tell the ocean to calm, or the storm to cease. If you can let go of your standards and look beyond your own perception. You might be able to see how he quietly approaches you in the midst of the storm. If I were to have looked for God by my standards I would have been saying at the time of the accident, “Okay God you can stop time now and sit me gently on the ground, or at least throw some pillows in my path for a soft landing”. No, He came to me in the middle of all the chaos. During the painful surgeries, and Hospital bills. I have had many blessings, from my Lord, through this accident. It’s a miracle from God that I’m even alive. Upon the darkest hours, His blessings are there. The candles are lit if you look for them.

“I can walk on water with Him”

///Clay///

6A Room 12

It was a cloudy Friday afternoon and I geared up, sliding on a shiny new helmet. I climbed onto my new 2-wheeled beast (2006 Suzuki GSX-R 750) and decided to take the rest of the day to learn how to move in sync with the machine. I had been riding for about an hour when I had became impatient with a slow-turning vehicle. I took the advantage to give a little extra gas and go around the slowpoke. Once cleared, i began to coast and noticed a cop to my right. I looked down at my speedometer and realized that I was going 69 in a 45. Without delay, the cop on his bike chased after me and pulled me over. Not only did i get a ticket, but I also discovered that someone had stolen my license plate, and received another penalty for not having my proof of insurance yet, even though it was in route via mail. They didn’t just take the license plate, but the entire license plate holder which also had my registration and inspection on it. This was not how I wanted to spend my first day with my new toy. I ended up going to the courthouse a couple blocks away in hopes to get a new license plate. I stood in line for about half an hour, the whole time reminiscing about my old V8, which I had sold just that same week. Of course by the time it was my turn, the lady said there was nothing I could do at that point and time. I didn’t want this to ruin my day, so I decided to shrug it off for the moment and continue to ride. I ended up in the town that my parents live and wanted to show them my new ride. Of course, when I got there, it appeared no one was home. I sighed, continued about my journey, and then five minutes later, saw my father on his motorcycle heading home. I waved trying to get his attention, but I didn’t think he recognized me, so when he passed, I turned to look, but he did not look back. As i looked back in front of me, it had come to my realization that the black pickup truck in front of me had come to a complete stop. I don’t exactly remember how much space was between me and him when I realized this, but I took the only action necessary and leaned right as hard as I could, trying to make it to the shoulder. Almost to my goal, I hit the edge of his back bumper and was sky-rocketed off of the crotch-rocket. After the first hit on the pavement, I see the bike barrelling past me, flying into pieces. After a couple more skips across the ground, I come to a dead stop into a street sign. Within seconds, immense pain takes over my body. I lift my head up to look at myself and see that just above my knee, my leg had folded against itself to where my ankle was wedged between the sign and my hip. It had shattered my femur with bones protruding out of the skin. Witnesses come rushing over to the accident to try and help me, and then call 911. It wasn’t long before they realized I was losing too much blood, and had to life-flight me to the hospital.

My stay at the hospital was not the most pleasant and not on the end that I would want to be on. It was a very long week, but I had many people come out to show their support. Feeling for all the people that cared for me brought me to tears and helped keep me happy. And the best of all was that my loving fiance stayed every night with me. After my release, my parents took me in to keep watch over me and I’m glad to finally be out of there. It’s going to be a long way to recovery and to be honest, I’m scared, but I can’t focus on this Goliath that is facing me. I must focus on God.

“It sucks to have to lay still”

///Clay///