Change of Pace

Ok so there has been a monumental change in my daily life( as said in my last entry). Now instead of having a lack of things to write I have all kinds of things buzzing around in my head. Unfortunately with my new schedule I really dont have the time to devote to writing about them.

School-

I can already tell that school is not going to be a simple task. It is only the second week and I see how easily it is to fall behind.

Work-

I am working customer service. cake job. Kathryn is about to begin work for Webster PD, which is going to be rolling in the dough. Finally we are moving up-hill again.

general-

I feel very busy.

///Clay///

Goodbye Of A Lifetime

I feel a shift in the making, I look around and find something new something changing.

I look back to see in the distance, Somewhere lost beyond the haze a remnants.

though it doesnt always make much sense, like the dying flower it shrinks to a past existence.

Everything I have come to be, has died away reformed and set free.

Its time for the goodbye, the goodbye of a lifetime.

So long to things that were mine, all in all it belongs to the Divine.

The goodbye of a lifetime, this is my new design.

I can feel His everlasting presence, through the blue skies as the wind caresses.

I hear the chorus of an angelic call, when the dark clouds appear and the rain drops fall.

See the strength in the mountains and raging rivers, beyond space time and all the universe

To live for something greater than myself, puts all I used to know on the shelf.

Its time for the goodbye, the goodbye of a lifetime.

///Clay///

She Traded It In For Hamm

Its another morning. Sunny with a nice icy breeze while the sun works its way up. There the date sits in front of me; November 1st… A year ago this day I asked the love of my life to be my girlfriend, and now today is our wedding day. The butterflies already began to unleash havoc, pulling me out of my state of slumber. I can’t even begin to describe the feeling inside. Everything will commence in a new light as the sun reaches mid-day, and I say “I do”. One of the most important decisions of my life are being set in stone. The long car drives and airplanes landing are here for me and the blue eyed beauty gliding down the walkway towards me. Here is the start of many precious memories together ♥ I am also very happy to announce that God has blessed me, for I will not need the crutches to walk on my wedding day. Crutches Vs. Cane! It looks like the cane won!!! I thank God for giving me this love and I pray that all those making this same commitment have a love as strong as ours.

“Vows, rings, and a kiss”

///Clay///

Wedding Knocking At The Door

I have come to the terms that I really REALLY HATE crutches….. They are ugly, noisy, and just get in the way. I desire nothing more at this point than to be able to walk by November. As the month slowly creeps up to the doorstep, It feels more and more implausible. Yet I have come a long way as far as the recovery would go. For instance, I can put up to 130lbs on my leg( I only weigh 150). I would start walking with a cane but my leg muscles aren’t strong enough to retain my balance. Not only that, but I have also reached an impass on the bending of my leg. No matter what I do I can’t bend it past 60°. I have come to terms with the fact that it may never pass 60, but I still work on it none the less. It looks very grim to have to take the crutches on the cruise and that fact really makes me feel depressed. Above all I know that everything happens for a reason even though I may be impatient with the way things are. 

“Crutches VS. The Cane”

///Clay///

Conflict of Perception

Everyone has there own perception on how the world works. Peoples perception determines what they think is right and wrong. Sometimes peoples perception determines whether they think someone is too skinny, immature, or poor, etc, but where is the line of fact over opinion. That line can become very gray in certain areas of life but even where it is black and white people may still never accept fact over opinion. Why is this? I believe that sometimes there is a lack of understanding, or just a lack of willingness to understand. ………..Just a thought.

“Thinking out-loud”

///Clay///

Re-stringing my Guitar

So I was putting new strings on my guitar today, because it has been sounding kind of bad and would not stay in tune. Then while I placed the new strings on there I realized that its a little like Church. See some people say that they can love God without going to church, and I believe that but you also have to look at it from another perspective. That going to church is like getting your strings replaced. If you play a guitar all week long by them time you reach then end of the week some of the strings will snap, some will be stretched out and others just become rough to the fingers. So in order for the “guitar” to sound beautiful all week it needs to be tuned up on a regular basis. Its just a thought on how Church is a good refresher for the spirit and keep you focused on Christ.

“Don’t let the music fade”

///Clay///

This is Not a Toy!

I just recently bought a firearm with my tax money. I had originally planned to get my bike painted because I’ve been wanting to do that for some time, but at the last moment I changed my mind. I figured there were more pros to having a gun over a paint job. I now have protection, and a new hobby; not to mention it will give me better accuracy so when I have to qualify for a Security job I can pass. Anyways it is a GLOCK 21 .45 caliber. I haven’t gotten to fire it yet but I plan on going to the gun range here in the next couple of weeks.

“Happy Shooting”

///Clay///

Class Dismissed

Today I completed my Level 3 Security training to be a Commissioned Security Officer. I made a 96 on the written test. On the gun range I got 241/250 on the 9mm, and 98% on the 12 gauge shotgun. That was my first time to shoot a firearm. It was awesome! I learned a lot about guns this week, considering that I didn’t really know anything before. The teacher of the class was a pretty cool guy. Sometime after I have a better paying job I will go back to see him to get my Concealed Handgun License. Speaking of a better job I also filled out the application for NASA today. I really want to get on there, so I plan to fill out an application once a week to show my persistence. I have to get in shape though, because the job has annual physical fitness and firearm tests. I plan on going for runs or jogs on regular basis to help get me in shape. The sooner I’m in shape the better. Everything seems to be falling in place and I like the way it looks.

“I like guns”

///Clay///

Making Holes in my Jeans, Falling to my Knees

I have a desire to find something I’ve lost in myself, and yet I find it a little uncomfortable at the same time. I have lost sight of the true meaning of this life and the gift of eternal life afterwards. I feel the loss of need for God not only in myself but also in my closest friends. The worst part about it is not that I have lost sight of it, but that it took the wrong decisions of my friends to realize that I have gotten to this point. I want to get back to that place I was in my heart when church meant something to me. When the Word was spoken and I could feel the meaning of the Word in my very being, not just comprehending the book knowledge. I am in search of a home church, but I feel so uncomfortable with everything church related. Maybe it’s my conviction that I am feeling, or maybe it’s the false feeling placed upon me to keep me away from God. None the less I wont let it stop me.

I prayed for the first time this past week in like a year or more. I felt so disconnected from it all. So now I truly want to come back to the heart of worship. I really want my friends to want it as bad as I do, or at least realize how far off the path they’ve wandered. Until I find myself back in the right place myself, I can’t say anything to them. It’s even more upsetting to me that I can’t give reasons to the things that I do know. I’m not sure if I am just bad at explaining my thoughts, or if it’s just the fact that I have become blinded to the meaning of things myself. People will never fully understand another person because they will never know what they are thinking. Therefore people make judgements about people at face value. I don’t want people to look at me in this way; causing rumors and aggression. I want to share all that I feel and know. I want people to want to talk to me about their life struggles, and deep issues. I just need help finding the right words.

“The world has lost it’s judgement on whats right and whats wrong”

///Clay///

Position of Authority

It seems some things are about make some changes for me. This coming Monday my boss has decided to start training me as an Officer In Charge (O.I.C.). That is the first step into becoming a Supervisor. I’m getting a dollar raise now and once I become a supervisor I will get another dollar per hour. I will take on a lot more responsibility and will not just be responsible for myself anymore but all the Officers, Tenants, and customers. This will be my first time to in a position of authority and I think it will be a good experience for me. I do believe it will make my home life a little different considering I will no longer have fixed hours and extra stress but I believe I am ready for it. I don’t know how long I will stay with this company but I have decided to stay a little longer then originally planned. I figure it would look better on my resume to say I was a Supervisor over Security and that I stayed there longer than a year.

In February I will be doing some training with the Houston SWAT Team. they will be giving us in depth training on how to deal with active shooters. I doubt that I will ever encounter any gunman at Baybrook Mall but it will be fun taking the training anyway. This training will also improve my resume. I wonder whats next?

“Ready for something new”

///Clay///

License to Kill

I have decided that I am going to take a class in February at College of the Mainland. Don’t get too excited its just a one week class for me to obtain my Commissioned Security License. That’s basically the same license I have now except I will then be licensed to carry a gun. With that I can go get a better security job that pays twice as much! So the class is five days long starting on the 11th. Its from 8-5 and I have work from 6-12. That will be one long week. I am honestly not looking forward to that at all. I hate the very existence of school. Sitting in a classroom will be one big test in itself. So I have to remained focused on getting the license.

I have decided to stick with the security thing for now since I already have gained a lot experience in that field. Not to mention I have a license to use handcuffs, O.C. Spray, AED machine and a license to do CPR. I also have gotten certified to deal with terrorists through the George Washington University. A lot of people are unaware of how much government related training, Security Officers have to go through. I really hope to get on at NASA working security, just because it is a government facility and has great benefits. I have made my goals, now all I can do is work towards them and hope for the best.

“Going to class… =/”

///Clay///

2008, A Step in the Right Direction

I can’t believe 2007 flew by so quickly! Its a new year and with that I plan to reach many goals I have set for myself. I really feel like this will be one of the best years I’ve ever had. In order for me to start my goals I have to get a nice paying job at some plant(preferably with one that doesn’t have to do with powder……stupid Huish). So at this point of the new year all my attention is pulling in that one direction. I also just moved out of my parents house, for the second time, and feel much at home in the condo with Daniel. Not to mention it puts me so much closer to the love of my life. Now I can see her in 5 minutes!!!

I would really like to start looking for a Church that my love and I could start attending, where we could be in unity. Much like I once had with my dear friend Pastor Doug(you are dearly missed). I can remember back to those days like it was yesterday. I really felt like the church was becoming one, even though none of the older people at our church liked me but that’s a different story.

I guess my biggest hope for this year is that if I have to have some stumbling blocks come my way, that they are few and far between. The past few years were full of stumbling blocks that really hindered me from getting anywhere near my simple goals. I guess it was best though because otherwise I wouldn’t be where I am now. I wouldn’t be with that special someone. So in light of all that I can honestly say that i don’t have any regrets for the past few years of my life.

“One step closer”

///Clay///

The Captive, and the year 2008 begins

New Years Eve! Yes the time approaches for the new year to come, and I am reluctantly stuck at the house as I have been for seven days. After I missed three days of work I decided to go to the doctor because I would need a note to keep my head out of the water with my boss. To my surprise my doctor told me that I had developed Strep Throat. He gave me off till the second of January. I had made my mind to treat this as a vacation, considering that I probably wont get one anytime soon.

In other news, I will be moving in with Daniel this weekend. I am excited but yet concerned at the same time. Seeing how that I have yet to find another job. There are some possibilities I am looking at and hoping to hear something back. Still I feel that God will provide the way when the time is right. Even though I hate going into things blind. I hope everyone can share in the optimistic outlook for this new year. I feel that this will be a great year. One that brings many, many changes. Changes I am actually looking forward to. So I lift my glass and toast to the future.

“To the future”

///Clay///

My new journal

I have decided that I will keep a journal of my thoughts, concerns, and complaints. So if you are reading this, that means you will be one of the few people who have access to all the thoughts racing about in my head.

Today is the day after Christmas and I am trapped in bed with the flu. This will mark the third day of this sickness. I have had a constant fever of 101 degrees, and a cough that seems to be getting worse not better. My only hope at this point is that I start feeling better tomorrow. Even though I was sick on Christmas day it still was a good day. My sister got a cool keyboard which I probably played with for about an hour. My Dad got a new version of Clue and the whole family played. It was fun! We played five rounds and I won three of them. My favorite part of Christmas day was when my wonderful girfriend came over and spent the evening with me. I hope eveyone had a Merry Christmas.

“A new start”

///Clay///