A disciples journey


More Than Just Me


As much as I dislike change it is always in effect. Nothing stays same and I am constantly growing as a result. There has been so much change in my life the past three years that it would take SIX years to talk about it all. God has matured me greatly in these growing  pains I have experienced, all while having a more intimate relationship with Him. For instance I have always been the person who hated reading and yet God has place a desire in me to read His Word and focus more on Him than myself. I was extremely prideful and have had many humbling experiences weeding out my arrogance and short temper. I could go on forever… Still, in all things I am still human and make mistakes. I pray by the mercy of God that I am not remembered for my mistakes and shortcomings but rather how I strive to be the reflection of Christ as all Christians are called to be.


I know I am a very particular person who has very strong point of views and can easily be very over dramatic about my views and my way. These strong opinions have interwoven with my selfishness which create a disconnected and negative attitude. It is my OCD to voice my opposition to subjects very sternly and I know that is a wrong attitude… In this past year I have been more aware of what I am doing after I have done it and I pray that God helps me to change that habit. There is that word again, CHANGE! I have a little childhood story that reflects my OCD- When I was little I got a bicycle as a present from my parents and instead of being grateful I was unhappy and rude voicing that I didnt want it because it was not wrapped in a box… I made a big deal about nothing all because a gift was not done the way I thought it should of been done. I want to apologize to all that I have forced my sharp opinions on. I realize that everyone does not have to see things my way and that I can share my opinion without making it as if it were law. I apologize to my wife for shooting down her hobbies, to my parents for taking away the joy in things they enjoy, and to my friends for rejecting their ideas. I know that things are not about me and I need to put away my selfishness. Selfishness is and always will be an issue for mankind but with God little by little He can remove all our sinful ways and mold us into servants.  Philippians 2:3-5 “Do NOTHING out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”

Constant Growing

Life is full of trials and temptations that we must face but every time we stay steadfast we will grow stronger and closer to God. It is very easy to become comfortable with where God has you and think that you are “ok” but the way I see it is if you are not growing you are backsliding. I have found myself in a comfortable stage with God since my accident and I prayed that he would help me to mature in Christ and two major events occurred. #1 We are having a baby! WOW… That was not what I had in mind, but God knows best and already I have seen several changes to my view of children and to my attitude in general. To be completely honest I have never really liked kids and often found them to be annoying, but now all that has changed. God has been growing me so that I may be a good Godly father to my son, Corbin, which has indirectly affected the person that I am today. #2 Joining the worship team! I have always had a love for music but my introverted ways have led me away. God is really pushing me out of my comfort zone by adding me to my Church’s worship team and placing me on stage in front of everyone. Standing on that stage is helping me to grow so that I may be a better witness for Christ and use my life as a tool to help others. I thank God for all the work he has been doing in me and pray that he continually pushes my limits, increasing my life as a follower of Christ.

“Thank you Lord for all these things that I have not deserved”



The Hammster Family

Monday, September 20, 2010

Today was the first time I saw my little baby. Kathryn and I arrive at the doctor’s office for our ultrasound excited to see how much it had grown. They place the device on her stomach and suddenly on the screen you see this little person, AKA Baby Hammster. At this point it is too early to tell what gender it is but it was incredible just to see his/her little nose and mouth with tiny little toes and fingers on it’s arms and legs. Soon this image of our little baby became mobile as it tossed and turned from side to side. It was at that exact moment of seeing him/her move its twig-like arms around that I fell in love with the little one, although I didn’t know what I was feeling at the time. For the first time the baby became real to me. I was rendered speechless by this growing individual and just watched in shock. When the ultrasound was done I wanted to ask the nurse to keep going for a little longer so I could keep looking at my little precious. The nurse printed out three pictures and I just stared at the little face in awe.

The reality of the pregnancy began to settle into my mind creating a wave of emotions that overflowed and overwhelmed me. I brought this little life into the world.  I help create him/her, and it was apart of me. I have never experienced such overwhelming joy in my entire life, knowing that my wife and I have a child of our own on its way! Once night came, I laid in bed talking to Kathryn as the happiness overcame me swelling up in my heart and I broke into tears. I couldn’t help but bawl over the thought of holding my little child. The baby is only three months along but yet I want to hold it in my arms already. I cannot wait till the day I get to see Baby Hammster’s little face. I would have never imagined that I would be ready for a baby but God knew I was ready and I could not be happier. Tears still streaming down my face, I leaned down to Kathryn’s belly and whispered, “I can’t wait to meet you”.

I am still blown away by how much love I have surging through me for someone I haven’t even met. The baby is not even born and I have already begun to understand the indescribable feeling of being a parent. For the first time I believe I can fathom how my parents see me as their son, and it is an amazing experience. This little one has the utmost importance to me as I realize that this is just the beginning of a whole new world and I am excited/frightened to start this new adventure.

Daddy Hammster


Walk by Faith Not By Sight

“Being a Christian in todays society is hard….” I think about that phrase and how when I was a teenager I was taught that in Sunday School. I remember the guidance they would give on how to be right with God saying, “being a TEEN Christian is hard with all the peer pressure, facing trials with sex and drugs, having both easily attainable in school or on your street…”

Being a Christian in todays society is hard… Ive been thinking about that statement lately and asking myself why is it so hard?  How is it that being a Christian these trials are not any easier? Maybe it is not supposed to be hard. Maybe the problem is with us and how we view Christianity… I thought about it for a little while and then God gave me a simple insight on why we struggle so much and how we could fix it. But before I get into that I heard something intriguing in church which was relative to the matter.

The pastor was reading from Matthew 11 and it said, 28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Wait a minute!? “My yoke is easy”? Being a teenager I thought it was hard. I thought the burden was heavy? It seems we are having a Starburst contradiction!!! Really? Your burden is light? Where have we gone wrong? It goes back to my last blog, where we have to be like children and trust in Him. Remember back to when you were a child. Did you have any real concerns? Were you worried that you wouldn’t have food to eat or a bed to sleep in? No… Why? You knew your parents would do everything they could to take care of you. You TRUSTED them. There was no burden.

Lets go back to my simple insight. Why do we struggle so much? Why is it hard to do what God wants and let Him work in our life? I feel that we have grown too accustomed to being selfish. Filling our lives with junk and useless material things. We are so preoccupied with all the little pointless things in life. Electronics, movies, clothes… we spend more and more on ourselves.

In the movie “Book Of Eli”, the main character says that the main thing he learned from the Bible was “To do more for others than you do for yourself”. That is the number one thing he got from it? How many of us actually do MORE for others than ourselves? I know I havent… So how do we fix this? Well What would Jesus do? HE WAS A SERVANT!

I believe that if our heart is right with God, then all we need to do is spend more time serving others and spend less time indulging in things for ourselves. It’s that simple. If we used our time more wisely and became a servant like Christ all of our little petty struggles would no longer be relevant and we could delight in His good pleasure. When we start to make more money we shouldn’t spend more, we should use those extra resources to help those in need. I know in the American dream that what I am saying is crazy but its how God instructs us to live. The Book Of Eli, a secular movie even knows that we are supposed to do more for others than for ourselves. No wonder Christians have a bad reputation. What I am saying may not be popular but it is the truth and the truth needs to be spoken.

“”Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”Mat 28”


To The Stars

I find myself too distracted to make any journal entries as of late, for I have been spending my time writing a book. All my creative gears have been turning in this one direction even pulling me away from writing any new music. I would have never expected that I, ME, would write a book, especially thinking back to how I never enjoyed reading, but something just came over me and compelled me in this new direction. So I am following it with the creation of a Science Fiction novel based on my vision of the future. It takes place in the late 23rd century and follows the role of a lone mercenary-of-sorts as he gets thrown into a situation bigger than himself having to rely on the people around him. The first book I am writing is titled “The Privateer And The Pirate War”, and if all works out this will be one of many books in a series  called Chronicles Of The Galaxy. I already have ideas for two more stories to follow my current main character named Kyle Hayden, and I have another idea brewing for a 4th story that follows a new younger character who starts his own journey away from home. So thats it, thats all she wrote.


Star Trek Realities Compared

Lets take a look one step at a time at all the differences between each timeline and how they are explained in official resources. The Prime Reality(abbreviated as PR) is the known Star Trek galaxy created by Gene Roddenberry, and the Alternate Reality( aka AR) is the “new” reality that was created by J.J. Abrams. It is officially stated that the two realities continue to exist separately.

2233- In the PR Kirk was said to be born on earth in Iowa.

In the AR this idea was thrown out and replaced with Kirk being born in space. Also in this timeline Kirks father was killed with the apperance of the black hole and Nero. This serves as the “fork” that separates the two realities.

note- In the prime reality The Enterprise logo did not become the official Starfleet logo until Kirk finished his historic 5 year mission. In the alternate reality before the Enterprise, the Kelvin had the known “spearhead” logo and became the logo of Starfleet in memory of the Kelvin after its destruction.

note- Scans taken of the future Romulan vessel, the Narada, by the Kelvin were brought back by the survivors and their shuttles. This study led to many major technological advances which places Starfleet way ahead of its time. These advances lead to the new styled communicators, phasers, and overall ship design. If you compare the early phasers and communicators aboard the Kelvin to TOS you will notice they are very close.

2241- AR-Due to the “change” Pavel Chekov  is born now, while in the PR Chekov wasnt born till 2245.

2245- PR- The Enterprise is launched on its first 5 year mission under Cpt. April.

AR- As a result of the new technological advances, due to the Narada studies, the Enterprise project gets put on “hold” for over a decade. The Constitution class Ship is redesigned much larger than the original plan as seen in the PR Enterprise. This new advancement includes using Dilithium for the warp reactors, as are the other Starfleet vessels. The end result is a bigger better fleet for the federation.

note- dilithium in the PR wasnt used until mid 2260’s

note- the PR Enterprise was 305meters, the AR Enterprise 725meters. The size difference is also explained by the “technological Advancement” which is why the bridge is bigger and more sleek.

2250- PR- Kirk enrolls in Starfleet, and serves on the USS Republic as a cadet. AR- without Kirks father figure James T. Kirk had no interest in joining Starfleet. As a result Kirk did not join starfleet until 2255.

2254- AR- Spock is promoted to Commander, which is earlier than in the PR(no actual date is given).

PR- Kirk graduates beating the Kobayashi Maru, in the AR Kirk doesnt beat the Kobayashi senario until 2258.

2255- AR-Kirk enlists in Starfleet (refer to 2250)

2258- PR at this time Pike would be making his second 5 year mission on the Enterprise.

AR- Enterprise is launched!!! Narada reappears, destroys vulcan. The incident results in Kirk defeating Nero and jumping up to Captain of the Enterprise which is six years earlier than the PR. ( In PR Kirk and his crew do not start their mission on the Enterprise until 2264. In addition Vulcan was never destroyed)

note- The destruction of Vulcan led to the death of Spocks mother, whom in the PR lived on to old age helping him with his human side. AR- with the death of Spocks Mother, Spock and Uhura become closer and intimate.

Alternate Reality equipment (with the Narada advances)-


Lifeless Like A Corpse

It seems that lately my mind has been stuck in some sort of rut. I haven’t had any new insights, or even felt like Ive grown or changed in any way the past month…. The lack of inspiration has caused a lack of thoughts and ideas for writing in my journal. I feel like I have been coasting through this past month on autopilot. Stuck in a mundane routine that is draining the very life-force out of me. I like things being simple, and leading a fairly simple life. Too much complexity would just cause stress and unhappiness in life but it seems that the opposite is true as well. It seems that life has been too simple this past month… So simple that I feel dead. Reluctant to get out of bed and once I am out of bed I dont want to move or do anything. If I didnt know any better I would say that these were symptoms of depression. No… the lack of motivation has seemingly spread. Infecting me like a virus turning the many quiet hours where I sit at home and wait for fellowship from my wife into a poison. a poison that is eating my morale and consuming my energy.

In light of all these things it appears the natural course of life is about to change all that. My non-existent life is being rolled up into a ball and tossed into the flames. I am going from nothing to having a full-time schedule, filled with work and studying of things that make absolutely no sense to me. The mundane routine that has been the center of this void is about to be disfigured and rearranged to create a pattern of change and filled schedules. I pray that this drastic change wont take a toll on me. That this disruption in my current pattern will not be too complex to where life is not enjoyable.



Christian Love

Love. The Core of a Christians life. A word that has lost its meaning in the modern world. What makes Christian love different from the rest of the world? The only one who can give the perfect answer would be Christ Himself. For we all are human; filled with error and sin. How many times do Christians abandon Christian LOVE? Too often we mold the Christian life to our design, which ultimately disgraces God. We cant reflect God without showing the love of Christ- THE CHRISTIAN LOVE. I want to look at Love from the view of Jesus.

How can you learn about the Core of a Christian life? The best place to start would be 1 Corinthians 13, aka the Love Chapter. Look at what Love IS. It is patient, kind, protecting, trusting, hoping, preserving, it always rejoices in truth, and it does not keep record of wrong doing. How many people in the world ALWAYS follow at least half of these? The answer is no one. There might be a time where you are following every single one, but how long is it till you slip? Lets break down each one.


“Patience is a virtue”, the phrase everyone hears growing up. The definition of patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset. The key here is to tolerate without getting angry. People believe because they can compose themselves on the outside (while feeling irritated or angry on the inside) and tolerate someone or something, they are demonstrating patience. Wrong!!! To truly be patient you have to stay composed on the inside as well as the outside. When we are not being patient we tend to break a couple of the other ones. We stop being kind, we attack instead of protect, and we seem to remember all of their other faults right about now. In our lack of patience we tend to be rude and talk down to one another. I know a family, that will go unmentioned, that talks to each other in a belittling and degrading way. The parents and children all disrespect each other, talking as if the other were a stupid and pathetic person. I hate being around them when this is happening but what am I to say? Would they listen or even believe me?

If we can truly regard ourselves as humble servants and that we are to uplift others, then maybe we will be able to be patient in love. Look at how a young girl going through puberty treats a jock she is completely  infatuated with, especially if he is a jerk. She constantly put herself aside and ignore the short comings of this jerk. Why? Because she holds him up on a pedestal (for the wrong reasons). Now obviously she is making a mistake but if the Christian could take the principle behind this and put everyone else above themselves then we would be like Christ.


Love is kind. The definition of kind is, having or showing a tender and considerate and helpful nature. To be kind is to be careful not to inconvenience or hurt others. Here we can see clearly the Core problem that keeps us from showing love, and that is Selfishness. Selfishness is what our human nature is built off of. The fall of man was caused by the greed to know all things like God. Greed is just another word for selfishness. Self is what causes sin, and prohibits love. How often are we actually concerned about what inconveniences another person? If we are full heartily seeking God then we should want to help others. Too many times we make self-righteous judgments and look down on one other. This gives us the “I am better than you” complex, leading us to treat people rudely instead of with kindness and compassion. In order to truly be kind in the Christian love, you must extend it to the people outside of your social group. Even the sinners love those who love them. Jesus talks about this in Matthew 5.


To protect/preserve is to keep safe from harm or injury. It is obvious how you apply this to your close friends and family, but how do you show it to the world? The kingdom of Heaven is available to the whole world if they accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. It is our job to bring the Word of God to the world so that they may be saved. the Word of God is their only defense against sin. Without Christ as their “lawyer” before the Judge, they are doomed to eternal damnation. In exhibiting Christian Love we should have the desire to protect them from their chosen destination. Once again in our self-righteous judgment we see them unworthy of Gods gift. How dare we condemn the blind to walk off the cliff. Shall we call ourselves murderers? Let us extend our hands out to the lost; show them the door Jesus is knocking on. If they refuse then they have made their decision, but should we stop praying for them? Never! Let us preserve the Word of God in our hearts so the we may be mirrors reflecting the light of Christ.


To trust is to believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Trust and hope are apart of faith. It means believing the best of it all. When we pray to God and it feels like there was no answer to our prayer we are to trust that he knows whats best. We need to let Him do His will and just have faith. No matter the circumstance we should have a positive outlook and know that all things happen for a reason and hope for the best. When we look out at the world the same still applies. This doesnt mean believe every little lie that is told to you because you are to assume the best. Rather, take each person and situation and look at it from the most positive perspective. Someone treats you like garbage- Should you judge this person as rude? No you should believe that they must of had a bad day and you happened to be there to see it. We shouldnt judge based on things we think or see, but only on those things that we know are facts.

It always rejoices in truth/ It does not keep record of wrong

These two are self explanatory… Yet we tend to get mad at truth when it is correcting us, like the pharisees being corrected by Jesus. Here is where pride comes into play.  Having pride is being pleased with yourself, dwelling on your achievements, thinking about you, you, you, you… And we are right back at selfishness. It is truly our self-seeking ways that keep us from unconditional love.

We also tend to keep a detailed record book, for each individual person we know, that is kept in the bitterness file cabinet. When someone does something that makes us angry and we hold on to it, that becomes bitterness. The Bible says not to let the sun go down while we are still angry. If we hold on to it we are making a record of it and we file it away in bitterness. The cabinet needs to be locked up and the key needs to be thrown away. There is nothing in that cabinet except self-gratification. Theres that word again, SELF.

Self has got to GO

The Bible talks about in Romans 14 that we should be able make adjustments about our life not because its sinful but for the love and respect of our brothers. This can never be achieved if we put ourselves at the center. It was true when they said the nice guy finishes last. To live like Christ we must put ourselves last. Oh how beautiful it would be if all Christians lived fully devoted to God, with self placed on the shelf.

“Love’s Achilles Heel is Selfishness”